8 Signs That Your Ex Obviously Wants To Come Back To You
1. He likes to reminisce.
The amount of contact that you have with an ex truly depends on the context and situation. If you have mutual friends together, chances are you will have to be around each other. Regardless of whether or not you’re actually forced to spend time with your ex, it would be abnormal for him to spend a great deal of time talking with you. This is especially true if the conversation tends to veer into nostalgia.
Mature people can often look back on a relationship and, even if it ended badly, remember the good times. Even the most evolved person, however, needs major distance from it to be able to do this. If your ex is already wandering down memory lane, that’s a definite sign that he’s not moving on. You can’t make new memories with a new person if you’re hanging on to old ones.
2. He’s working on himself.
Self-improvement kicks are quite typical after a break-up. Sometimes this is because you want to show the person you broke up with that they were wrong – especially if they ever critiqued your mental or physical health. More often it’s about taking control of your life after an event where you lacked power. It can also stem from insecurities – vanity is a great motivator.
This could manifest itself in many ways. He could be working with a personal trainer to eradicate what he sees as physical flaws. Maybe his social media is now decorated with spinach smoothies and hashtags like “#gains.”
3. He contacts you frequently.
If you’re trying to break the habit of eating cupcakes, the last thing you want to do is visit the local bakery. This is why your friend will try to snag your phone out of your hand when she catches you creeping on your ex’s social media. Out of sight, out of mind – or that’s the idea, anyway.
When a guy moves on, he has to let go of communication with you. Sure, you may engage in some small talk if you end up at the same event together. Taking the initiative to reach out and talk is a far different situation, and one that comes with an expressly contrary motive. If he’s getting in touch with you on a regular basis, he’s not over the relationship.
4. He wants to re-hash the breakup.
A desire to go over the details of break-up is a major giveaway that he wants to get back together. Unless he’s a bizarre glutton for punishment, why would he want to re-live the worst part of the relationship? Perhaps an introspective individual would want to evaluate past relationship errors to avoid making those mistakes in the future, but it’s unlikely he would include you in that process.
Asking for a discussion about what went wrong in your relationship likely means he wants to know if the two of you can salvage what was lost.
5. He talks about a future with you.
Look at the motive behind this particular subject. If the two of you were together for a decent amount of time, you probably made some plans for the future. Maybe they were concrete events with dates, or maybe they were just fanciful ideas. Either way, it can be hard to let go of those notions.
However, if he comes to you with a genuine desire to create a future together, consider what that would look like. Does the image of a life together seem realistic and exciting? Does it fit with the goals you have for yourself? Be sincere and logical.
6. He falls into familiar patterns.
After you end a relationship and are faced with having to redesign your life, falling into old ways can be truly irresistible. It takes a supreme effort to create new patterns, pursue new relationships, and redefine yourself as a single person. What takes almost no effort is repeating the patterns you shared with a person previously.
When you’ve gone through the traumatic experience of losing a special relationship and person, it can feel amazing when that person treats you the way they used to. A squeeze of the hand there, a kiss on the cheek there, maybe mumbling in your ear how good you look today… that’s enchanting.
7. He still really cares about your life.
Have you ever passionately followed a TV show and then been dejected when it was abruptly canceled, leaving you full of unanswered questions? The feeling that lingers after a break-up can be ridiculously similar. You can’t help being curious about all the threads you were following in your ex’s life. As a good partner, you were probably pretty invested in the arc of his story. Men are not immune to this, and there’s a very good chance your ex is currently feeling the same itch of wonder about your life.
He might express these feelings by inquiring about your life. There’s a polite way to do this that comes across as almost formal. Maybe he follows up on an event that he knew would have huge consequences in your life, or questions you about a relative’s health. These gestures aren’t necessarily indicative that he wants to get back together, especially if you know him to be a thoughtful and caring person.
8. He tells you.
There’s really no hemming and hawing on this one. By telling you he wants you back, your ex is putting the ball very distinctly in your court. No matter what other signs do or do not appear, if he’s serious about you then at some point this one is going to come up.
If you’ve been pining for a guy, this can feel like a dream come true. After all the pain and loneliness, here he is. Before you lose yourself in romanticized notions of a reunion, take a beat and weigh your options.